alex
Fresh Meat
FEAR ME
Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 20, 2006 16:54:25 GMT -5
"I guess the Item can wait, Its not like it is going anywhere" Mez made his way to the picture, He examined it closely Then opened it, It was dark inside with a little light towards the end of the path, "You still want to go through" Mez had his gun to his side just incase something pops out
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Post by B on Feb 20, 2006 17:00:11 GMT -5
"eh... Maybe we can get that item first.." Jill said, having a change of heart as she began to walk away from it and down the stairs. "We go to hurry and find them though, Wesker could have entered through there but we'll inspect it when we get that item that I'm curious about." She said and walked by the dining room door and waited for Mez.
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alex
Fresh Meat
FEAR ME
Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 20, 2006 17:12:49 GMT -5
Mez smiled, he to did not want to go through the door so he walked down the steps and made his way to the door. Mez opened the door, Thankfully there was no Zombies, He headed to where the statue had fallen. Mez picked up the blue Diamond , " Jill do you no what this could be, It has to be some sort of key" He tosses the Blue diamond towards Jill "Now where should we go" Looking up at the Zombie who really wanted to get Mez. Mez pointed the gun at the Zombie and shot it in the head. "We can't have him roaming around, letting him go may have some consequences later"
(ooc: I have to go in 10 mins)
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Post by solavalance on Feb 20, 2006 20:43:04 GMT -5
Honey I am really the one to say this but I don't think you make it. Your talented but I beleive that your just trying to hard. Just let it flow, everything then carries on. Oh by the way which one are you auditioning for? Mansion Raccoon City or Future?
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Post by V on Feb 20, 2006 20:44:03 GMT -5
Well, I can hold it in no longer! Alex, You need to improve in MANY places! Starting with the most basic of skills....you friggin' end a sentence with periods!!
Another don't state your character's name more than once in a single sentence!
Example 1: Mez walked up the long stairs of the Manson, Mez decided to check the first door he saw, He and Jill made there way to the door when Mez opened it there was a small hallway leading to a door, on the walls of the Hallway there was blood splatter.
This my friend is first of all, a run-on sentence! A period could be added in three different places here. Second, after 'Mansion' you don't need a comma, and you should have replaced 'Mez' with so!
I'm holding back on all the things I say, but sorry, I'm putting you on a 'no pass'
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Post by portea4 on Feb 20, 2006 20:46:46 GMT -5
He's auditioning for mansion.
Well...Simon, the person above, has just stated it...You don't pass. Sorry, but you don't...
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Post by B on Feb 20, 2006 20:47:47 GMT -5
They practically said all you need to improve on. Sorry, but you just didn't cut it.
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alex
Fresh Meat
FEAR ME
Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 20, 2006 20:56:20 GMT -5
I understand I suck, oh well I tried good luck with the site I hope it does well then.
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Post by portea4 on Feb 20, 2006 21:03:08 GMT -5
Yo, Listen! You don't suck. We're just showing you what you could improve on. No one's perfect and I'm willing to give you a second chance. I hope the other judges do to, aright.
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Post by B on Feb 20, 2006 21:23:41 GMT -5
Maybe the plot was too confusing for you. Jillian, could you prompt him with a new plot?
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alex
Fresh Meat
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Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 21, 2006 14:52:26 GMT -5
Matter of fact could i change it to Raccon City future
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Post by solavalance on Feb 21, 2006 16:00:45 GMT -5
Possibly but I want you to audition for the City plot then. Alright honey. Just don't try to hard. I really hope you improve. I know you'll do it. Love Lara
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alex
Fresh Meat
FEAR ME
Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 21, 2006 16:27:40 GMT -5
Alright I shall audition for the City plot then
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Post by solavalance on Feb 21, 2006 16:29:44 GMT -5
Good. I know you'll do good just don't give up to easily. And take constructive critisim as advice. Remember that alright. It's jsut for fun but also its a type of art in a way.
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alex
Fresh Meat
FEAR ME
Posts: 58
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Post by alex on Feb 21, 2006 16:31:35 GMT -5
Alright
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