Post by B on Nov 17, 2009 13:03:24 GMT -5
(A project I did in English when I was 16. We had to write a story about a fairy tale and parody it. This is mine... The teacher read mine out loud to the class. XDD)
Once upon a time in a galaxy 368,424,000,000,004 miles away stood a small, simple town. Everyone in the town were dull, simple, and very incompetent. One of these dullians were known as Jackilius Benstulk, but due to the laziness of the town he was simply, Jack Beanstalk.
“Wait a minute…” Jack angrily spoke up as he placed his farming equipment to the ground. “My name isn’t Beanstalk! I climbed a beanstalk. Jeeze and they say the town is lazy!?” He fused angrily to his wife. “Wife? I’m yelling at you, moron! Oh forget it..” He said and left. The wife of Jack put a finger to her lip and spoke up in a masculine voice. “Do I get paid yet?” Asked the chubby sweet old lady. “Sweet? Where’s sweets!? Oh, sweet, I’m only like that on Tuesdays.” She replied to the invisible voice of no one before walking in her house to confront her husband.
A few days later, while wandering aimlessly away from his house wondering why he brought a cow, a peculiar man wearing a thick trench coat came up to him. This man had a hood over his head and a purple mask that covered his mouth.
“’Ello stranga,” the man started, “you look in need of some good cash and I happen to know a way of getting it.” Jack curiously raised an eyebrow. The merchant took this as a sign and opened his coat. Jack quickly gasped and turned away. “Oh god!” He yelled in fright.
The merchant glanced down and smiled. “Sorry, that’s not for sale until this Friday.” He said and a zip could be heard before Jack’s horrified eyes turned back to the merchant. He then brandished his wares once again, this time without the horrifying sight.
There were many items placed in plastic bags with names and prices. Three items caught Jack’s eyes. One was a red and blue pill the label reads “Morpheus - 2 cows” Another had a nose in it which labeled “Michael Jackson - ½ cow.” Finally he noticed some beans with his own name labeled.
Jack was very tempted by the nose. “I would like to buy the nose, do you have change for a one?” Jack asked curiously when he gazed back at his cow. “Sorry stranga, the nose is reserved for a private client.” The merchant said then took out a giant pair of scissors. “But if you wish to reserve one you can pay now.” The cow mooed loudly as it slowly tried to back away. “Hmm… No thanks. I guess I’ll take the beans.” Jack took the beans and handed his relieved cow over. The merchant looked at his watch and gasped. “I have to get these diet pills to Oprah, see ya stranga.” With that the merchant disappeared.
Jack went home and put the beans on the table near him and sat in a chair. His wife came up to him and sat down. She then started. “Jack… I am your mother!” She said in an inhumanly deep tone and Jack went wide eyed and threw his hands in the air. “Noooooooooo!!!” He yell for quite a while before he decided to learn more about it. “If that’s true then what happened to father!?” His wife/mother spoke up again. “He choked on a jaw breaker while laughing and making fun of you at birth.” They both were silent.
“Well… I’m going to sleep.” He said getting up and going into his room and quickly falling into slumber. The next morning he woke up to his wife/mother who yelled out. “Jack, I made breakfast! Hope you like beans, they’re good for your colon!”
Meanwhile in a house hidden In the sky, “Hmm… Did Merlin lie? He said that a tiny man will come and take all my gold then push me off of a weird vine type thing.” A massive giant said as he sighed bitterly. “Guess I’ll just go brew some coffee.”
Once upon a time in a galaxy 368,424,000,000,004 miles away stood a small, simple town. Everyone in the town were dull, simple, and very incompetent. One of these dullians were known as Jackilius Benstulk, but due to the laziness of the town he was simply, Jack Beanstalk.
“Wait a minute…” Jack angrily spoke up as he placed his farming equipment to the ground. “My name isn’t Beanstalk! I climbed a beanstalk. Jeeze and they say the town is lazy!?” He fused angrily to his wife. “Wife? I’m yelling at you, moron! Oh forget it..” He said and left. The wife of Jack put a finger to her lip and spoke up in a masculine voice. “Do I get paid yet?” Asked the chubby sweet old lady. “Sweet? Where’s sweets!? Oh, sweet, I’m only like that on Tuesdays.” She replied to the invisible voice of no one before walking in her house to confront her husband.
A few days later, while wandering aimlessly away from his house wondering why he brought a cow, a peculiar man wearing a thick trench coat came up to him. This man had a hood over his head and a purple mask that covered his mouth.
“’Ello stranga,” the man started, “you look in need of some good cash and I happen to know a way of getting it.” Jack curiously raised an eyebrow. The merchant took this as a sign and opened his coat. Jack quickly gasped and turned away. “Oh god!” He yelled in fright.
The merchant glanced down and smiled. “Sorry, that’s not for sale until this Friday.” He said and a zip could be heard before Jack’s horrified eyes turned back to the merchant. He then brandished his wares once again, this time without the horrifying sight.
There were many items placed in plastic bags with names and prices. Three items caught Jack’s eyes. One was a red and blue pill the label reads “Morpheus - 2 cows” Another had a nose in it which labeled “Michael Jackson - ½ cow.” Finally he noticed some beans with his own name labeled.
Jack was very tempted by the nose. “I would like to buy the nose, do you have change for a one?” Jack asked curiously when he gazed back at his cow. “Sorry stranga, the nose is reserved for a private client.” The merchant said then took out a giant pair of scissors. “But if you wish to reserve one you can pay now.” The cow mooed loudly as it slowly tried to back away. “Hmm… No thanks. I guess I’ll take the beans.” Jack took the beans and handed his relieved cow over. The merchant looked at his watch and gasped. “I have to get these diet pills to Oprah, see ya stranga.” With that the merchant disappeared.
Jack went home and put the beans on the table near him and sat in a chair. His wife came up to him and sat down. She then started. “Jack… I am your mother!” She said in an inhumanly deep tone and Jack went wide eyed and threw his hands in the air. “Noooooooooo!!!” He yell for quite a while before he decided to learn more about it. “If that’s true then what happened to father!?” His wife/mother spoke up again. “He choked on a jaw breaker while laughing and making fun of you at birth.” They both were silent.
“Well… I’m going to sleep.” He said getting up and going into his room and quickly falling into slumber. The next morning he woke up to his wife/mother who yelled out. “Jack, I made breakfast! Hope you like beans, they’re good for your colon!”
Meanwhile in a house hidden In the sky, “Hmm… Did Merlin lie? He said that a tiny man will come and take all my gold then push me off of a weird vine type thing.” A massive giant said as he sighed bitterly. “Guess I’ll just go brew some coffee.”
